I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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