I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
