Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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