The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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