Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
