he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
