Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
