Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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