Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Farmville is her only friend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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