remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
