after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
