WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
