I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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