I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
