I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
