Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
