just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
