Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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