Pappa wants mamma naked
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Couch. On fire.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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