Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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