He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
