you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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