Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
