Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
