Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude. I can hear the air.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
