it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
