there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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