stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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