mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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