we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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