Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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