We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
