There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
