who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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