Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
