he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
