ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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