I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
