I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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