Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
