wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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