I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
