so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
