I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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