So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
