Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
