My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
