We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
