Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am naked and annoyed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
