i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
