I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
