Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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