i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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